So rather than just tell you a repeat of the teaching from this last week, I'm going to tell you what God is speaking to me!
First of all, I love reading the Bible. We're reading through the New Testament--right now I'm in Luke--but seriously I keep coming across random verses that make me super curious. I want to know exactly what God meant what he said all this stuff! Random things I've never thought of before and random questions that pop in my head during the teachings that make me think.
I've never been this inquisitive about the Bible. I want to research all this stuff. I might even spend some time doing that this weekend.
Here is a list of examples. I won't dig into them--but feel free to look into them yourself and let me know your thoughts :]
Matthew 5:17
--So, if Jesus distinctly said the old law doesn't disappear just because He came, what does that mean for the modern day church? Tattoos etc.
Matthew 6:24
--Can you only be fully dependent on one? God alone or Money alone?
Matthew 10:29
--Do we have to totally die to our humanity to be in God's Will? Was our humanity completely corrupted when sin entered the world?
Matthew 17:11
--Was John the Baptist Elijah incarnate? Or was he just a New Testament symbol of Elijah?
Matthew 19:28
--Jesus said 12 thrones for 12 disciples in Heaven, but what about Judas?
Matthew 27:52
--It says after Jesus rose again, the tombs broke open and the dead were raised, after resurrection went to holy city and appeared to people. Is this talking about those that had died a while back--like Moses? And did they reveal their identities? Is the Holy City Jerusalem or Heaven? I don't get it!
Mark 1:34
--Why wouldn't Jesus let the demons reveal his diety?
Mark 3:29
--What does it mean to blaspheme the Holy Spirit? **I got this one answered. Ask if you're curious**
Mark 6:4
--Are most modern day churches like another Nazareth? Rejecting the prophets without any honor?
Mark 8:2
--When Jesus fed the 5000, it says the people didn't eat for 3 days just sitting listening to him--Why did Jesus wait THREE days to feed them?
Mark 14:51
--Who is the young man fleeing naked?
Luke 2:26
--Simeon had been promised by the Holy Spirit that he would see the Messiah before he died, and he did. How did he experience the Holy Spirit before Pentacost?
Luke 3:16
--Why baptized with FIRE?
Luke 6:30
--Give to anyone who asks you. Are Christians supposed to be a doormat? Service= Doormat?
Luke 7:35
--Wisdom is proved right by her children. What does this mean?
Luke 9:27
--When Jesus says they would "not taste death" does this mean they'd go directly to heaven from life, or what?
Luke 11:23
--Jesus says he who is not for you is against you. Does that contradict Mark 9:40
Luke 11:51
--What does it mean that his generation is held responsible for the death of the prophets?
Does God give you faith for salvation? Are faith and belief synonymous? Why aren't all saved if they've been given the faith to believe? What does that say about predestination?
Luke 12:47
--Does this verse support abuse in slavery?
Luke 13:4
--Is there any record of 18 people dying when a tower fell in Siloam?
Luke 13:6-9
--What does the parable about the fig tree mean?
Luke 13:24
--"Many will try to enter but cannot" Is this because they didn't know Jesus?
When Jesus was alive--and Jews died without knowing or believing He was the Messiah--did they go straight to Hell? Or only after the crucifixion? Or was there an age of accountability after Jesus came?
Luke 14:15-24
--What does it mean in this parable that those the king invited rejected him and he turned to others instead?
What does it mean that David was a man after God's own heart?
If incest was one of the reasons God made the Flood...did incest happen again after the flood to repopulate the earth? Or were the sons all married prior to the flood?
If that's not overwhelming enough for you-- God is actually speaking some things to me too--beyond just questions!
I'm getting answers and conviction too :]
One, I'm really starting to feel a burden about missions. I know God has called me to missions--but now I'm really starting to develop a heart for those people. The people that have not ever heard about Jesus. I'm at a point that if I decided to anything else with my life other than go on the mission field--I would feel like I missed it.
In all honesty, I feel like if you're not on the mission field as a missionary--your job is to go to college to earn money to fund missionaries in order to fulfill the Great Commission. For a long time I viewed the Great Commission as a collective assignment. I thought as long as people were out there--then it was being fulfilled. But no! Its a very personal and individual call. YOU ARE CALLED TO MISSIONS. If you're not going overseas--you better be doing your absolute best to reach those in your school, your job, and your neighborhood. YOU ARE CALLED.
Yesterday, we had a teacher say something about how it usually takes a year to really develop intimacy with God. I was reminded of how I told God I was giving him 2010. How this year was going to be different...and I felt like God told me "THIS IS YOUR YEAR" I'm almost overwhelmed. Its towards the end of October....I made this commitment on January 1st--and God has been faithful. I've learned so much about His character and who He is. By the end of this year, I will have been on youth staff and completed the lecture phase of DTS. In January I'll be going on outreach.
So 2010 has been like a learning/training time. and after this I'll be going on to a totally new stage of life. Literally a new decade, and the end of my teen years. God picked such a SYMBOLIC time for me to be doing this! I love it. All these monumental occasions happening to remind me that I will never be the same again.
I can't.
I know God has called me to this.
I am looking forward to doing schools after this and then continuing into whatever God has for me.
In all honesty--I am so blessed to have such encouraging people in my life, and I would love to talk to anyone about what is going on, and what God is doing.
Skype, email, phone call--whatever!
I love this, and I am excited to go to South Africa in January--and wherever God calls me to after that!
If at any point you feel a desire to bless me financially--I just figured out you can pay online! I had no idea before this!
It's www.ywamorlando.org/pay
I love you all!
--Rachel
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Forgiveness and Mercy
HELLOOO!
Sorry, I haven't written for a while! I'll try to catch you up to date.
This past week, Michael Berg, spoke on Biblical Restoration--basically that means we went over what the Bible says about being restored from sin, past guilt and shame, and forgiveness. We talked about the Father Heart of God--and what that means. I realized a couple things about myself--I realized that I have a problem with knowing God as a comforter. I don't let people comfort me, because I view it as pity--which makes sense with why compassion has been a difficult concept for me to get.
On Thursday, we had a day where we got in our small groups and we went around and we prayed outloud and forgave people for specific offenses. I'm not going to lie, when I say that it was life changing. I went into it sort of wary. I didn't know what it would look like--I felt weird basically confessing all my junk to a bunch of girls I barely know...but I think God works with an obedient spirit. I literally confessed everything I could possibly confess--I had to forgive myself for a bunch of stuff, and everyone else that had done something against me in the past. It was so hard bringing up old stuff i hadn't brought up in a while. At the end of it I just have felt almost depressed and confused.
Its like all the things I used to define myself by--mistakes, misconceptions...all of it is exposed and out in the open. Satan can't plague my secrets if I don't have any secrets. I've been here thinking--who am I? I've been feeling so broken down and vulnerable--and its hard, I'm not going to lie. But it is so so good. I've been having to ask God to redefine who I'm supposed to be. To be who I was created to be.
I feel like God is creating a place here for me--and I'm so excited about that. But,I'm just so curious to see what God has for me while I'm here. Its only 3 weeks in, and I feel like I have a totally different view of myself.
Its getting to the point where I'm really having to exercise patience...and mercy...and grace. Haha. I'm sure this doesn't surprise anyone--BUT living in the same room with 7 girls is a challenge. 11 total in my house--til November, then there will be more. Just the combination of everyone's little bitty messes--dishes, bags, laundry, toiletries--it all adds up! haha But I've been feeling convicted to have a better attitude...sooooo I always appreciate prayers! haha
I love you all, and I cannot even express how grateful I am have that you have invested in my life in order to equip me to do the Lord's work.
I encourage everyone to do a DTS, whether or not they feel called to missions. It is life changing and it equips you to live a life clean before God. It teaches you how to live a consistent holy lifestyle--and its so important!
Do it people!
Love you all, please feel free to ask questions if you have any!
God Bless!
--Rachel
Sorry, I haven't written for a while! I'll try to catch you up to date.
This past week, Michael Berg, spoke on Biblical Restoration--basically that means we went over what the Bible says about being restored from sin, past guilt and shame, and forgiveness. We talked about the Father Heart of God--and what that means. I realized a couple things about myself--I realized that I have a problem with knowing God as a comforter. I don't let people comfort me, because I view it as pity--which makes sense with why compassion has been a difficult concept for me to get.
On Thursday, we had a day where we got in our small groups and we went around and we prayed outloud and forgave people for specific offenses. I'm not going to lie, when I say that it was life changing. I went into it sort of wary. I didn't know what it would look like--I felt weird basically confessing all my junk to a bunch of girls I barely know...but I think God works with an obedient spirit. I literally confessed everything I could possibly confess--I had to forgive myself for a bunch of stuff, and everyone else that had done something against me in the past. It was so hard bringing up old stuff i hadn't brought up in a while. At the end of it I just have felt almost depressed and confused.
Its like all the things I used to define myself by--mistakes, misconceptions...all of it is exposed and out in the open. Satan can't plague my secrets if I don't have any secrets. I've been here thinking--who am I? I've been feeling so broken down and vulnerable--and its hard, I'm not going to lie. But it is so so good. I've been having to ask God to redefine who I'm supposed to be. To be who I was created to be.
I feel like God is creating a place here for me--and I'm so excited about that. But,I'm just so curious to see what God has for me while I'm here. Its only 3 weeks in, and I feel like I have a totally different view of myself.
Its getting to the point where I'm really having to exercise patience...and mercy...and grace. Haha. I'm sure this doesn't surprise anyone--BUT living in the same room with 7 girls is a challenge. 11 total in my house--til November, then there will be more. Just the combination of everyone's little bitty messes--dishes, bags, laundry, toiletries--it all adds up! haha But I've been feeling convicted to have a better attitude...sooooo I always appreciate prayers! haha
I love you all, and I cannot even express how grateful I am have that you have invested in my life in order to equip me to do the Lord's work.
I encourage everyone to do a DTS, whether or not they feel called to missions. It is life changing and it equips you to live a life clean before God. It teaches you how to live a consistent holy lifestyle--and its so important!
Do it people!
Love you all, please feel free to ask questions if you have any!
God Bless!
--Rachel
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Burden
Tonight, was almost overwhelming. I'll talk about it all almost in reverse order, just so whatever is most recent to me comes first.
Tonight we had an extra meeting for the Compassion Justice DTS. John Bills was speaking about HIV and AIDS...which I will be working directly with in South Africa. He started by telling us not to pity people and to have hearts of compassion. An empathy that stirs an action response to stop the injustice.
After he said that I sort of shared that the reason I signed up for the CJDTS was because I am not a naturally compassionate person and when I see someone crying I automatically want to find a way to make them stop crying than to comfort them and help them through it. As John was speaking, God just broke me.
He talked about the AIDS epidemic and how little help was going to aid these people in comparision to the natural disasters that kill even less people. For example. 150,000 people died in the tsunami. 150,000 die in Africa each month...and what is being done for them?
We watched a video clip of a man who had been raised Christian, and then while he was in college, he had turned to homosexual relationships and contracted AIDS. He was in the hospital and a pastor came and visited him, and this man came back to Christ and realized the error of his ways. He was talking about how he wished sexual purity had been more valued in our culture...and how he had viewed God as a God that has grace for you and forgives no matter what you do, but he realized that there are consequences for your actions on earth...and now he was dying of AIDS--a natural consequence. And it said that the next day, after this man gave his testimony--he died.
The video ended and I was so moved. Ezra, my team leader, came up and had us pray for whatever God was leading us to pray for. I literally couldn't even pray aloud. I had tears running down my cheeks...overflowing. I was trying to contain sobbing. I was still crying whenever we were closing. I couldn't even talk for a while afterward.
God is so full of mercy for his children. A man, who had walked away from Christ was brought back, and God took him home. Now he has a new body, a new life, and he is free from the guilt and condemnation of his sin. I was just overwhelmed by how much God loves his children. I was sitting there just wanting to sob because I was so sorry. So sorry for being so selfish all the time. For not even thinking or praying for the people dying around the world.
Before I came on my DTS, I had been telling God--God I am not burdened for your people as much as I should be. Stir in me! And God told me..."Wait for the burden"
And I didn't know what that meant...and maybe I still don't, but honestly....I am so burdened for these people. I still want to break down sobbing. This is something that would keep me up at night.
How good is God that he knows me.
I won't go all into the other stuff as much. But we had a small group time...and we all shared our testimonies. I told my story, and afterwards I broke down. I unveiled a lot of stuff I hadn't spoken about in a while. A lot of areas where I still felt hurt and broken.
God has brought so much healing to me, and taught me so much...but there is just so much to learn.
God is speaking to me so much and even more clearly. I'm so hungry for Him.
I can't exist apart from Him.
Pray for just a release of God's word on me. I am so overwhelmed by God and His goodness and His desire to speak to me.
I encourage everyone to do a DTS. Its like going to school to learn how to hear God's voice, to have breakthrough in your life, etc. Its like what you hear in church--applied and lived out everyday...with people all around you available to answer your questions. I want to live in this place.
And who knows--God may be able to work that out :]
Taste and See that the Lord is Good.
<3 You All
-Rachel
Tonight we had an extra meeting for the Compassion Justice DTS. John Bills was speaking about HIV and AIDS...which I will be working directly with in South Africa. He started by telling us not to pity people and to have hearts of compassion. An empathy that stirs an action response to stop the injustice.
After he said that I sort of shared that the reason I signed up for the CJDTS was because I am not a naturally compassionate person and when I see someone crying I automatically want to find a way to make them stop crying than to comfort them and help them through it. As John was speaking, God just broke me.
He talked about the AIDS epidemic and how little help was going to aid these people in comparision to the natural disasters that kill even less people. For example. 150,000 people died in the tsunami. 150,000 die in Africa each month...and what is being done for them?
We watched a video clip of a man who had been raised Christian, and then while he was in college, he had turned to homosexual relationships and contracted AIDS. He was in the hospital and a pastor came and visited him, and this man came back to Christ and realized the error of his ways. He was talking about how he wished sexual purity had been more valued in our culture...and how he had viewed God as a God that has grace for you and forgives no matter what you do, but he realized that there are consequences for your actions on earth...and now he was dying of AIDS--a natural consequence. And it said that the next day, after this man gave his testimony--he died.
The video ended and I was so moved. Ezra, my team leader, came up and had us pray for whatever God was leading us to pray for. I literally couldn't even pray aloud. I had tears running down my cheeks...overflowing. I was trying to contain sobbing. I was still crying whenever we were closing. I couldn't even talk for a while afterward.
God is so full of mercy for his children. A man, who had walked away from Christ was brought back, and God took him home. Now he has a new body, a new life, and he is free from the guilt and condemnation of his sin. I was just overwhelmed by how much God loves his children. I was sitting there just wanting to sob because I was so sorry. So sorry for being so selfish all the time. For not even thinking or praying for the people dying around the world.
Before I came on my DTS, I had been telling God--God I am not burdened for your people as much as I should be. Stir in me! And God told me..."Wait for the burden"
And I didn't know what that meant...and maybe I still don't, but honestly....I am so burdened for these people. I still want to break down sobbing. This is something that would keep me up at night.
How good is God that he knows me.
I won't go all into the other stuff as much. But we had a small group time...and we all shared our testimonies. I told my story, and afterwards I broke down. I unveiled a lot of stuff I hadn't spoken about in a while. A lot of areas where I still felt hurt and broken.
God has brought so much healing to me, and taught me so much...but there is just so much to learn.
God is speaking to me so much and even more clearly. I'm so hungry for Him.
I can't exist apart from Him.
Pray for just a release of God's word on me. I am so overwhelmed by God and His goodness and His desire to speak to me.
I encourage everyone to do a DTS. Its like going to school to learn how to hear God's voice, to have breakthrough in your life, etc. Its like what you hear in church--applied and lived out everyday...with people all around you available to answer your questions. I want to live in this place.
And who knows--God may be able to work that out :]
Taste and See that the Lord is Good.
<3 You All
-Rachel
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Last Night
So last night was an interesting night. All day we went through orientation and learned about what we would be doing, and I am so pumped up to give it my all and get the most out of this experience. This is why I am here, so there is absolutely no point to slack off and not get my work done. No reason to be distracted!
But after orientation they picked us all up to go to CiCis, because we needed to be out of the church facilities. It was pouring rain and the we all loaded in the bus and ate a bunch. I was kind of feeling like a loner, bc I didn't really have anyone to sit with and I just was feeling all down on myself. Then we went to watch a move (Little Giants) at a church nearby...and I was just tired and I thought I'd rather just lay down on a pew than talk to people...so I sort of did that, and I was texting Laura and Daniel about how I was feeling totally overshadowed and upstaged...and honestly, they both just encouraged me a lot. I just needed to be myself and not be so concerned about the fact that I'm not the center of attention.
So after the movie (which ended prematurely, bc the disc was messed up) I decided to make sure no one else was feeling lonely...and therefore I wouldn't be lonely (advice of Laura Johnson)...and I just started feeling better haha...I realized I need to get over myself, and realize no, I'm not the only person here worth getting to know--and I need to make myself friendly.
So I got back to my dorm and I got on my laptop and I started talking with a couple people living in other houses...just trying to introduce myself with people and make things more comfortable. I heard Stephanie--our house leader--in the kitchen, and I hadn't talked to her much yet, so I thought I would make myself visible and become part of the conversation. So I sat down at the table and I got to hear other girls in the house open up a lot about some of their struggles and eventually the conversation turned to all 6 of us roomies acknowledging that we were placed in this house at this time for a very specific reason and we needed to tap into whatever God had planned for us. We all decided it would be a good idea to pray with each other each night before we go to sleep. So everyone shared a burden they were carrying from back home--whether about friends or family members...and we all joined in agreement and prayed for each other.
We decided to war together for each other's burdens and have faith that God is going to be moving in the spirit realm to contend for us.
I am so excited to see what God does in each of us, and in the lives of our family and friends back home.
So it is just incredible to think that God goes before us and prepares a place for us--even when we are not aware of it.
So I'm ready for whatever. I want something crazy.
Bring it.
Rachel
But after orientation they picked us all up to go to CiCis, because we needed to be out of the church facilities. It was pouring rain and the we all loaded in the bus and ate a bunch. I was kind of feeling like a loner, bc I didn't really have anyone to sit with and I just was feeling all down on myself. Then we went to watch a move (Little Giants) at a church nearby...and I was just tired and I thought I'd rather just lay down on a pew than talk to people...so I sort of did that, and I was texting Laura and Daniel about how I was feeling totally overshadowed and upstaged...and honestly, they both just encouraged me a lot. I just needed to be myself and not be so concerned about the fact that I'm not the center of attention.
So after the movie (which ended prematurely, bc the disc was messed up) I decided to make sure no one else was feeling lonely...and therefore I wouldn't be lonely (advice of Laura Johnson)...and I just started feeling better haha...I realized I need to get over myself, and realize no, I'm not the only person here worth getting to know--and I need to make myself friendly.
So I got back to my dorm and I got on my laptop and I started talking with a couple people living in other houses...just trying to introduce myself with people and make things more comfortable. I heard Stephanie--our house leader--in the kitchen, and I hadn't talked to her much yet, so I thought I would make myself visible and become part of the conversation. So I sat down at the table and I got to hear other girls in the house open up a lot about some of their struggles and eventually the conversation turned to all 6 of us roomies acknowledging that we were placed in this house at this time for a very specific reason and we needed to tap into whatever God had planned for us. We all decided it would be a good idea to pray with each other each night before we go to sleep. So everyone shared a burden they were carrying from back home--whether about friends or family members...and we all joined in agreement and prayed for each other.
We decided to war together for each other's burdens and have faith that God is going to be moving in the spirit realm to contend for us.
I am so excited to see what God does in each of us, and in the lives of our family and friends back home.
So it is just incredible to think that God goes before us and prepares a place for us--even when we are not aware of it.
So I'm ready for whatever. I want something crazy.
Bring it.
Rachel
Thursday, September 23, 2010
First Day
So I'm here. I got to the YWAM base and it was kind of overwhelming just because I didn't know many people...and there were people EVERYWHERE.
My parents took me over to my house, affectionately named K1, and I discovered I have 5 other roommates in my room and 4 others in addition to that. AHHH
Oh well, I have a pretty spacious house and everyone seems pretty cool
But I went back to the YWAM base after my parents helped move into my house.
I went through registration and got a lot of little stuff taken care of.
I think I'll get along with everyone, but I am looking forward to everyone really KNOWING each other.
A lot of the girls in the house already know each other, so I'll really have to try to get to know people.
I'm the outsider in the room--but I'm not too worried :]
Here is what my year is going to look like!
There are about 20 of us in the CJDTS.
We'll be reading Is That Really You God, The Shack, Adventure Series, and Red Letters.
As far as teaching goes I have
John Bills- Hearing the Voice of God
Michael Berg- Biblical Restoration
Ezra Griffiths- Lordship
Mary Sliter- The Seven Mighty Nations
Al McBryan- Nature & Character of God
Steve Sizemore- Intimacy with God
Dean Sherman- Relationships and Spiritual Warfare
Bob Felder- Evangelism
Steve Shamblin- Maturing in Christ
David Stabler- Inductive Bible Study
I'm pretty tired.
I promise I'll post more once more stuff gets going!
xoxox
SHOUT OUT TO JESSICA BURK!!! (and her child within)
My parents took me over to my house, affectionately named K1, and I discovered I have 5 other roommates in my room and 4 others in addition to that. AHHH
Oh well, I have a pretty spacious house and everyone seems pretty cool
But I went back to the YWAM base after my parents helped move into my house.
I went through registration and got a lot of little stuff taken care of.
I think I'll get along with everyone, but I am looking forward to everyone really KNOWING each other.
A lot of the girls in the house already know each other, so I'll really have to try to get to know people.
I'm the outsider in the room--but I'm not too worried :]
Here is what my year is going to look like!
There are about 20 of us in the CJDTS.
We'll be reading Is That Really You God, The Shack, Adventure Series, and Red Letters.
As far as teaching goes I have
John Bills- Hearing the Voice of God
Michael Berg- Biblical Restoration
Ezra Griffiths- Lordship
Mary Sliter- The Seven Mighty Nations
Al McBryan- Nature & Character of God
Steve Sizemore- Intimacy with God
Dean Sherman- Relationships and Spiritual Warfare
Bob Felder- Evangelism
Steve Shamblin- Maturing in Christ
David Stabler- Inductive Bible Study
I'm pretty tired.
I promise I'll post more once more stuff gets going!
xoxox
SHOUT OUT TO JESSICA BURK!!! (and her child within)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tomorrow.
I've looked over my blog from the very beginning sometimes and I am amazed at how far I've come since I started this. My very first post was dark and depressing. I was a soul looking for answers with my eyes closed. I just had lost hope, and I was desperate. I was debating what I should do with my life and I felt an enormous amount of pressure to have my life all figured out. I didn't know whether I should go to a university, stay at community college, or do a YWAM DTS.
Now almost a year later, I'm about to start my YWAM DTS. I'm not going into this as a means of mending my brokenness, running away from my life, or even a position for me to buy time for my future. I'm going into this confident in who I am, and who God has created me to be. My desire is to see God make me even MORE whole than I feel like I am. The awesome thing about my walk with God is the fact that He is constantly changing me and stretching my faith. I never get to a point where I'm just WHOLE and complete in myself--I need God to intervene with who I am and who I am becoming. I need his constant guidance.
This will be an opportunity for me to get away and focus entirely on my walk with God. To be obedient to Him with no distractions. What can hold me back in this situation? My school, friends, or work? NO! This is IT. I'm so ready.
I'm also freaking out :] Its easy for me to appear purely excited on the outside, but the thought of being out of my ZONE intimidates me. I feel like I'm more intimidated than I am nervous. I am used to being established as leadership at the mvmnt. I know my Move Group girls love me, and I know my family loves me, and I know I have people that support me, believe in me, and just GET me. I am starting totally over with a whole new group of friends!
Honestly, I'm more worried about how I'm going to act towards people than I am about how people will act towards me! Is a terrible side of my personality going to come out because I have 5 other roommates in one room?! Am I going to be annoying, or shy, or awkward? I have many different facets to my personality--and I don't know who I'm going to be. Which is the weirdest feeling ever. I'm scared I'm going to be the awkward kid that makes jokes that no one laughs at, or has an awkward laugh, or doesn't smile, or just gets nauseous all the time because I'm nervous. Seriously!! I feel like I'm starting highschool at a brand new school in a brand new culture.
Probably this post is just a glorified version of what I'm feeling, because my DTS starts tomorrow morning and I'm trying to get out all my legitimate concerns!!
Maybe this will help my mind. This is what I want out of my DTS.
1. I want to know God's heart for people. I want to understand his compassion for those who are desperate, and for those who may try to mask it.
2. I want to burn with a constant desire for God and his Kingdom
3. I want to learn how to be a friend.
4. I want to see myself become stronger willed in areas where I need it, and more submissive in other areas.
5. I want to get a clear picture of what the next few years of my life will look like.
Thats the plan.
I will update OFTEN. I'll let you know how my fears and concerns all play out.
I love you all.
I miss you!
(Shout out toooooooo : Mom, Dad, Josh, Joe, Jon, Cassie, Amanda, Robyn, McKenzie, Kelsey, Hannah, Catherine, Leslie, Laura, Daniel, David, Layne, Jamie, Dustin, Brittany, Perla, AND the rest of the mvmnt staff)
Now almost a year later, I'm about to start my YWAM DTS. I'm not going into this as a means of mending my brokenness, running away from my life, or even a position for me to buy time for my future. I'm going into this confident in who I am, and who God has created me to be. My desire is to see God make me even MORE whole than I feel like I am. The awesome thing about my walk with God is the fact that He is constantly changing me and stretching my faith. I never get to a point where I'm just WHOLE and complete in myself--I need God to intervene with who I am and who I am becoming. I need his constant guidance.
This will be an opportunity for me to get away and focus entirely on my walk with God. To be obedient to Him with no distractions. What can hold me back in this situation? My school, friends, or work? NO! This is IT. I'm so ready.
I'm also freaking out :] Its easy for me to appear purely excited on the outside, but the thought of being out of my ZONE intimidates me. I feel like I'm more intimidated than I am nervous. I am used to being established as leadership at the mvmnt. I know my Move Group girls love me, and I know my family loves me, and I know I have people that support me, believe in me, and just GET me. I am starting totally over with a whole new group of friends!
Honestly, I'm more worried about how I'm going to act towards people than I am about how people will act towards me! Is a terrible side of my personality going to come out because I have 5 other roommates in one room?! Am I going to be annoying, or shy, or awkward? I have many different facets to my personality--and I don't know who I'm going to be. Which is the weirdest feeling ever. I'm scared I'm going to be the awkward kid that makes jokes that no one laughs at, or has an awkward laugh, or doesn't smile, or just gets nauseous all the time because I'm nervous. Seriously!! I feel like I'm starting highschool at a brand new school in a brand new culture.
Probably this post is just a glorified version of what I'm feeling, because my DTS starts tomorrow morning and I'm trying to get out all my legitimate concerns!!
Maybe this will help my mind. This is what I want out of my DTS.
1. I want to know God's heart for people. I want to understand his compassion for those who are desperate, and for those who may try to mask it.
2. I want to burn with a constant desire for God and his Kingdom
3. I want to learn how to be a friend.
4. I want to see myself become stronger willed in areas where I need it, and more submissive in other areas.
5. I want to get a clear picture of what the next few years of my life will look like.
Thats the plan.
I will update OFTEN. I'll let you know how my fears and concerns all play out.
I love you all.
I miss you!
(Shout out toooooooo : Mom, Dad, Josh, Joe, Jon, Cassie, Amanda, Robyn, McKenzie, Kelsey, Hannah, Catherine, Leslie, Laura, Daniel, David, Layne, Jamie, Dustin, Brittany, Perla, AND the rest of the mvmnt staff)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Here We Go
I am starting my adventure going to YWAM Orlando tomorrow morning around 8am. I am excited and ready to go, yet at the same time extremely sad.
More excited than sad, but I've definitely had my moments of breaking down.
I just want to thank all of you who bought t-shirts, who sent checks, who encouraged me, and gave me good recommendations. I am so excited to do this--this has been my goal for so long, and I want to embrace every moment.
Please pray for me while I am gone, and feel free to check this and comment often! I will be regularly updating it once it gets going.
Love You All
so so so so much
<3 Rachel
More excited than sad, but I've definitely had my moments of breaking down.
I just want to thank all of you who bought t-shirts, who sent checks, who encouraged me, and gave me good recommendations. I am so excited to do this--this has been my goal for so long, and I want to embrace every moment.
Please pray for me while I am gone, and feel free to check this and comment often! I will be regularly updating it once it gets going.
Love You All
so so so so much
<3 Rachel
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