Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

DOING something

I feel very refreshed in life right now. I've had some good talks with people and I am really feeling like God has given me the power to take authority over my life and conquer some things I've been struggling with. Its empowering for sure.
Its frustrating to have to constantly ensure everyone around me that I'm doing fine. Like...I don't want to sit around the house all the time because thats lame. Even if I can do the same thing at home as I can do at Escape or something, I'd rather go out because at least I'm DOING something. I don't like having nothing to do. I'd rather make random pointless jobs for myself than to sit around doing nothing.

Thats my thing lately, i want to DO stuff. I'm working on learning guitar. I'm going to start teaching myself but I could really use someone to help me out. I just want to remain optimistic about life...its all a mind game. I need to constantly put my mind in a place where I do not feel discouraged and I am hopeful about my life. Worship is the best thing for puts me in a place to act in obedience and see God move. I love it.

Well now I'm off to work 9.5 hours by myself. Saddddddd....this happens every week, but I really just don't like being by myself for so long!

Saturday, December 5, 2009


You are faithful
When I am faithless
You’re right here
You’re right now, Jesus
You’re my safehouse
You’re my hiding place
You’re right here
You’re right now, Jesus

But I am not content with this
When I know there is more
More than I can see
There’s a greater power that lives inside of me
This will not suffice
Just a taste of your might
I want it all and more
God, you’ve got to give me more.

Now I cannot sit still
The way you’re moving, moves me
With this fight in my heart
I will see victory

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

this is it

Well I am sitting at Saxby's by the fireplace drinking a Sugar Free, Non-fat Chai Latte feeling like I'm the coolest kid in the world behind my laptop.
Maybe I just look nerdy, but maybe its really the nerdy people that are the coolest?
I think there is a strong possibility. OH and I'm listening to Maroon 5. Some people might think that would ruin this beautiful experience, but I would disagree. I love them. Adam, the lead singer, has an amazing voice and I like how unique they are.

I'm about to head to the mvmnt and i'm pretty stoked about that. I could use some refreshment. I just feel so burdened and heavy laden lately. I'm just in a funk...but I feel like I'm on my way out. Its something I gotta work through myself and it doesnt mean something is wrong with me, or that something needs to happen to fix it all...its something where I just gotta find my way.
I feel bad because people are trying to help me... like my parents are trying to be all encouraging and stuff, but I always react negatively to that because I view it as pity...and I don't like being pitied. (i just looked out the window and realized i parked in the middle of two spots...wowwww)

Life happens. Bad things happen and no one can avoid it. and no, i don't have all the answers or solutions, and i dont even know where to go from here...but im working on figuring it out. i feel like God is really wanting me to DO something with the passions in my heart. something PRODUCTIVE. I want to find someone to teach my guitar over christmas break...and no, i dont want my dad to teach me or to teach myself from a book--so sorry, dad...thats not going to cut it for me (:]).... i want to write songs. thats it. i dont want to do something that might make me more money or something that has more job opportunities. I want to write songs...and until I make a break I can do random odd jobs, who knows. I dont want to work when I get married anyway. I want to write songs and teach kids to write songs. Like i think being a music teacher would be fun...but something specific to song writing. I want to help people make their songs come to life...because I dont feel like anyone has done that for me and thats all i've ever really wanted.

so i gotta start somewhere,and i think guitar is a good start. judge me or not.
thats what i want to do
i might try a dts, or cfni, or just a good christian college. i am not exactly sure yet. but either way i'm going to be at CCCC next semester and I plan to be home this summer... next fall is uncertain, but who knows...i may be here, and thats okay with me... if i can be doing SOMETHING i'll be okay.

thats alllll :]

"If I've let on that I've lost all hope,
I apologize I just don't know where to go,
If I did I'd be there now"
-Martyr by The Canvas Waiting