Sorry, I haven't written for a while! I'll try to catch you up to date.
This past week, Michael Berg, spoke on Biblical Restoration--basically that means we went over what the Bible says about being restored from sin, past guilt and shame, and forgiveness. We talked about the Father Heart of God--and what that means. I realized a couple things about myself--I realized that I have a problem with knowing God as a comforter. I don't let people comfort me, because I view it as pity--which makes sense with why compassion has been a difficult concept for me to get.
On Thursday, we had a day where we got in our small groups and we went around and we prayed outloud and forgave people for specific offenses. I'm not going to lie, when I say that it was life changing. I went into it sort of wary. I didn't know what it would look like--I felt weird basically confessing all my junk to a bunch of girls I barely know...but I think God works with an obedient spirit. I literally confessed everything I could possibly confess--I had to forgive myself for a bunch of stuff, and everyone else that had done something against me in the past. It was so hard bringing up old stuff i hadn't brought up in a while. At the end of it I just have felt almost depressed and confused.
Its like all the things I used to define myself by--mistakes, misconceptions...all of it is exposed and out in the open. Satan can't plague my secrets if I don't have any secrets. I've been here thinking--who am I? I've been feeling so broken down and vulnerable--and its hard, I'm not going to lie. But it is so so good. I've been having to ask God to redefine who I'm supposed to be. To be who I was created to be.
I feel like God is creating a place here for me--and I'm so excited about that. But,I'm just so curious to see what God has for me while I'm here. Its only 3 weeks in, and I feel like I have a totally different view of myself.
Its getting to the point where I'm really having to exercise patience...and mercy...and grace. Haha. I'm sure this doesn't surprise anyone--BUT living in the same room with 7 girls is a challenge. 11 total in my house--til November, then there will be more. Just the combination of everyone's little bitty messes--dishes, bags, laundry, toiletries--it all adds up! haha But I've been feeling convicted to have a better attitude...sooooo I always appreciate prayers! haha
I love you all, and I cannot even express how grateful I am have that you have invested in my life in order to equip me to do the Lord's work.
I encourage everyone to do a DTS, whether or not they feel called to missions. It is life changing and it equips you to live a life clean before God. It teaches you how to live a consistent holy lifestyle--and its so important!
Do it people!
Love you all, please feel free to ask questions if you have any!