I haven't written in about a month, and I don't know why. I think about writing a lot, but I sit down at my computer and I lack motivation or I lack one solid topic to talk on. Not that any of my ramblings have much consistent train of thought to them. I just wanted to share about what God is doing in my life.
I feel like I am getting caught up in a great adventure, a epic romantic novel full of life and love and excitement.
Coming home from DTS, I was expecting it to be a challenge, I knew I would go through some form of depression from missing all my YWAM friends, and that I would have to readjust to life back here, but I had no expectation that I would have such a time of refreshment and vision for my life and my future. I feel like I learned a lot about myself in my DTS. My character and convictions were tested on many levels. I wouldn't say I passed with flying colors, but I DO know that God has brought me to a new level with Him. I've come to recognize that He alone can sustain me. My efforts tend to fail me. But God showed me that He hasn't asked for my efforts--he asked for my heart. So simple and yet so complicated. But what a refreshing change of perspective it is. I don't walk around hoping that my actions and striving will get me anywhere. I don't hope that maybe if I'm good enough, and go long enough without sinning that God will give me a stronger revelation than he would if I just kept on with normal life. I've learned to stop striving. But in no way does that mean I have stopped my pursuit to live a holy life and to seek the face of God. But now when I seek God, I stand in awe and reverence of who He is, knowing that I am absolutely nothing, and he is everything. He has chosen me to live and enjoy life with a purpose, but my efforts aren't anything to him. What delights him, is when I give him praise and honor. So I choose to give him praise and honor by the way I worship Him and the way I live. Now I'm not perfect, but a moment doesn't go by where I'm trying to think of what I can get away with. I look at my life and my decisions and think "God, does this give you glory? What more can I do to show you I love you?"
I'm not trying to write this to make myself seem super spiritual, or that I have all the answers. But the transformation in my life astounds me. I cannot get over what God has done in my life. The way I view everything has changed. I am so much happier, so much more satisfied, and content, but hungry for more of God, now that I have stopped making it all about me. I look at my life, and I think "God, you're so real I cannot even contain it." So coming home, has been an unveiling process for me. God showing me all the work He did in my life during my DTS.
I am doing a School of Ministry Development (SOMD) starting on June 20th, back in Orlando. The whole process of me choosing whether to do SOMD in summer or fall was a much more complicated process than it would seem. But it just proves that God works all things together for good. (Praise the Lord) But after deciding to do Summer, God has confirmed over and over again exactly why that is.
Here is a little piece of my heart: I love youth, I love their fire, their zeal, their unrelenting enthusiasm and drive. I love their reckless and impulsive tendencies and the way they fight for what they want. I believe that youth have such explosive personalities, because God wants to focus their attention on the surrounding culture and make an IMPACT for Christ. I love missions. I love traveling the world and telling people who have never even heard that Jesus loved them that He exists and desires a relationship with them. I love evangelism and service and adventure. I believe youth and missions go side by side. Joining hands, you can see what an impact that combination would make. I believe that training and discipleship is key for youth to be ultimately effective. My heart is to see youth come to know Christ on a deep and intimate level themselves and in turn pour it out into this culture and the world around us to create more disciples. Its a cycle. Save the lost, disciple the saved, and send out disciples to save the lost. :]
Sounds a lot like YWAM...BUT I haven't really been totally sold on going on staff with YWAM...at least not right away. I feel like there is something more. Back home, the MVMNT is just ridiculous. I am seeing some of the most fired up youth I have ever been around. Our numbers grow each week, kids are getting healed, saved, and delivered. The anointing on this ministry is HUGE. God's hand is at work. So my heart starts beating fast and I think...how can I get THESE youth in missions?
ENTER Jamie Bates. One of the most godly women I have ever met, who shares with me a vision for youth and missions. Kindred spirits for sure. A passing comment about eventually leading a mission trip together, and some serious prayer has birthed such vision in me and Jamie both. It was kind of life a huge door just opened and major arrows were pointing at the door saying DO THIS!!!!!!!!! <3 GOD!
So now....MVMNT Missions will be starting January following my SOMD which will be training me on how to be an effective minister, and how to develop my own personal ministry, which God has so kindly lined right up for me to come home to! MVMNT Students meeting once a week for 20 weeks being trained and discipled to be missionaries while doing local outreaches all along followed by a month long outreach to really live in a culture and make an impact. I don't want to get too specific right now, while we're still in the developing process, but God's hand is on this.
I'll be going away for 6months to be trained to be a better leader and more effective minister and I'll spend about 2 of those months overseas. Then I'll come home for the holidays, start school at the local college and work while training a group of students for 5months on how to be an effective missionary followed by a month overseas and who knows what else. The opportunities for expansion on this ministry is huge. I feel like our framework is SO solid, and God wants to expand it even larger than we could anticipate.
OH GOD, BROADEN MY PERSPECTIVE SO I CAN CAPACITATE YOUR CALL! Its too much already...and I'm only 20 years old. I can only imagine what the rest of my life will be. :D
Hmmm...this is nothing like what I was expecting to write. I'll just throw in the idea I was thinking about though. With every major change and excitement in life, there are bound to be critics and people who don't understand or don't agree. I'm in the process of learning that sometimes you just gotta live out what you're saying you're going to do, or people aren't going to believe in you. This goes for several areas in my life. I can't expect people to automatically trust my words, so all I can do is live them out. And that is exactly what I intend to do.
Love you all,